Prayer

I wrote this post long before my partner's death. I don' think I believe it any more. I consider myself a serious agnostic and believe the religions of the world are ignorant, dangerous, distractions. They are often based on some book, which they believe to be the word of god: the bible, the koran, the book of morman etc.. I come to this conclusion by painful experience with religions and those who believe in them. I am not an atheist because that seems to me to be as unscientific as theism. In other words: who knows?

All my life I have experienced an occasional, overwhelming, emotional state which I call prayer. It only occurs when I am absolutely desperate and in great need. I have no control over when it comes, or where I am at the time. I feel like I am uncontrollably swept away, I do not have any words, only deep groans and crys. When this state comes over me I try to be alone. Occasionally someone has been with me. They always become alarmed and want to get medical help. Outwardly I must seem to be in great pain. I try to reassure them that I am all right but, I can't speak. It seems to be what might be called a trance.

Whatever it is I absolutely know, at the time, that someone is listening and understanding. Something always changes after this experience. A situation may be resolved or my attitude may change. In any event I feel like I have been heard.

Lately I have learned that these episodes were not uncommon in the ancient world.

The Oracle of Delphi of ancient Greece