EILEEN AND ME Six years ago when I came to Vashon island I began to ride around with the Senior Center (SC) bus that picks up seniors for lunch at the SC. A woman living in a shack in the deep forest would be sitting on a large rock each morning waiting for us. From the beginning she always sat next to me. After almost 2 years, when no one could possibly see, she turned and kissed me passionately. She gave the most engaging kiss I have ever known. It made me feel timeless, with no tomorrow or yesterday. One evening , after 3 years, she came to my door and asked if she could stay with me. We have been living together ever since. Our relationship deepened over the next 3 years. Eileen had many health issues but her mistrust of doctors, and almost everyone else, kept her from getting help. She would never consider taking a vaccine. I feared this was the last year we would be together because of her aversion to medical help. She would not take medications and one doctor had told her to maintain a Mediterranean diet for her extremely high BP. We made all our meals together and I tried to make them very healthy. On a Saturday morning she set out to get salad materials for our lunch. Somehow I feared, as she walked out the door, that this was the last time I would see her alive. Our town is very small. On her way to the grocery store, she was hit by a truck while she was in a crosswalk. She was airlifted to the hospital. She had immediate brain surgery. Her brother and I were there right after surgery. She was terribly broken. We returned the next morning. They removed her from life support and I held her until her little heart stopped and she became cold. I kissed her and I could feel her lips respond to mine in a final kiss. The memory of that last kiss is etched into my soul!

Prayer

I wrote this post long before my partner's death. I don' think I believe it any more. I consider myself a serious agnostic and believe the religions of the world are ignorant, dangerous, distractions. They are often based on some book, which they believe to be the word of god: the bible, the koran, the book of morman etc.. I come to this conclusion by painful experience with religions and those who believe in them. I am not an atheist because that seems to me to be as unscientific as theism. In other words: who knows?

All my life I have experienced an occasional, overwhelming, emotional state which I call prayer. It only occurs when I am absolutely desperate and in great need. I have no control over when it comes, or where I am at the time. I feel like I am uncontrollably swept away, I do not have any words, only deep groans and crys. When this state comes over me I try to be alone. Occasionally someone has been with me. They always become alarmed and want to get medical help. Outwardly I must seem to be in great pain. I try to reassure them that I am all right but, I can't speak. It seems to be what might be called a trance.

Whatever it is I absolutely know, at the time, that someone is listening and understanding. Something always changes after this experience. A situation may be resolved or my attitude may change. In any event I feel like I have been heard.

Lately I have learned that these episodes were not uncommon in the ancient world.

The Oracle of Delphi of ancient Greece

My Children

My Children, then and now.

Leonard Cohen Concert

I attended a Leonard Cohen concert at the Paramount Theater in Oakland on March 3, 2013. It had been held over a second night due to the first night's sold out performance. The theater was again packed. Scheduled for 2 hours, it lasted 4 hours with 7 curtain calls and ended with the entire audience dancing and singing in the isles. He began the concert by whispering, in his deep, whiskey voice: “I don't know when we will meet again, but tonight we will give you all we've got”.

Cohen was 78 years old. I have always cherished his poetry and music but age has perfected the man beyond anything I imagined in the past. His orchestra and accompaniment are pitch perfect. He appropriately delivers many of his songs on his knees: they are deeply personal metaphors; often more prayer than song: “Like a bird on a wire, like a drunk in a midnight choir, I have tried in my own way to be free”.

During the magnificent performance my mind kept wandering to recently published photos of our 'Milky Way” galaxy . It is easy to feel small and powerless viewing these photos. We are dwarfed by the tiny rock we ride upon, which, in turn, is surrounded by incomprehensible immensity. In my imagination I saw the Cohen group, with Cohen's verse, musical score and the complexity of the music the musicians were making, as a defiance of the meaninglessness the universe imposes upon us. From the smoky stage I dreamt of a giant fist rising into the starry night.

Things I Cannot Read Aloud

I hear middle aged whites shouting “i want my country back” and “follow the Constitoootion!” at tea party rallies. Why are they saying this? I want to ask them: “who took your country and which constitution?”. I think they are referring to the original version of the Constitution which did not prevent restrictions on voting rights or ownership of slaves. Furthermore, I think these folks look around, see a black president, lots of brown faces and unfamiliar religious symbols and say to themselves: “this is not America because America should be run by white, Christians.”

I cannot read some things aloud. There are some ideas so sacred that my voice quavers and tears fill my eyes to the point I cannot see to read. I have tried so many times to read certain passages to my children and students but to no avail. One verse comes to mind:

“- - - Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me,
I lift my lamp beside the golden door!" *

This has always been my vision of America. It stands in stark contrast to much of our history; especially today when so many demonize so called “illegal immigration”. However to me this is the essence of America.


* Poet Emma Lazarus "The New Colossus" engraved on a bronze plaque and mounted inside the Statue of Liberty

Kandinsky & Physics

Still trying to find words to help me conceptualize Vasily Kandinsky's paintings. I believe his abstract vision of reality helped physicists conceive of quantum mechanics. I was amazed when I realized his work was a progression from real to abstract.

Early in his career he begins with the familiar portrayal of nature that our senses perceive and gradually moves to the world our senses can never perceive: a vision of the actual world: one which we can never grasp with our senses and can only partially imagine. A world only artists and dreamers can see.

Burn all "holy" books!

Big flutter over burning Korans. I think we should burn all holy books! All the bible, koran, book of mormon, bhagavad gita, etc. have ever done is create divisions among us. We would be healthier and happier without any of them.

Let us seek god, if one exists, in spirit, without books or idols.

What is a Dog?

I didn't understand dogs until I met Lucy. Now I am realizing how complex and beautiful dogs are. They sense human emotion faster than another human can. Their presence can help us heal. Their love for us is steadfast. They are like guardian angels.

What am I?

Doesn't seem possible that I will die. I have been with me so long and I feel real, permanent, enduring. It doesn't seem right that I will disappear forever – I exist right now, I feel so real – just as real as the universe.

How can I feel so real and yet be disappearing, dying? Maybe that's because I AM REAL! Maybe I am the only real thing because I AM NOT A PHYSICAL THING.

Speaking of the physical world Heisenberg said: “There's nothing there.” Whatever I am, I am not physical. I am not matter – I'm pretty sure at this time, that, whatever I am, I am not the stuff my body is made of.*

* I must give Steve Grand credit for my thinking on this concept. I ran across his blog when I was in New Zealand last fall and have followed him ever since.

Is Order a Conserved Quantity?

The Second Law of Thermodynamics implies that the universe moves from an ordered state to disorder: sometimes referred to as the “heat death of the universe" A nuclear physicist (I can't recall his name) once gave a talk about his findings on disordered nuclear states actually being a new form of order and suggested that ordered systems may not deteriorate into disorder but rather change into a different form of order. Could the second law be all wrong and "Order"actually be one of the conserved quantities in nature? That could have implications for the human spirit which seems to me to be a Chaotic "Strange Attractor" and not only an Ordered System but an ultimate "Orderer". Perhaps death is changing ones state of order.

Second Amendment Solutions

The woman who tried to leave Sharon Angle's GOP/Tea Party rally was punched in the face by an angry, male, Angle supporter. This is a preview of what our society will be like if that crowd is given political power. Sharon Angle's call for “Second Amendment Solutions” to our country's problems means armed coercion. These folks who call for freedom from government will be the most repressive leaders once they control government. Those who claim that “government is the problem” quickly prove their point once they become the government.

Christian Right and Al-Qaeda

The far right in the US bears a strong resemblance to Al Qaeda. “Islamo-Fascism” is no worse than Christo-Conservatism. Contrast the Islamic Imam telling young followers that death, in the destruction of America, is holy to that of Beck, Cheney, Limbaugh, Palin, FOX, Coulter etc instilling homicidal hatred of Obama into their followers. Both groups of disciples are often uneducated, both are fed a litany of lies and neither tend to listen to any other sources of information.

The Christian right in the GOP the “Birthers”, and the “Tea Baggers” are encouraging assassination of our president, along with anyone else who doesn’t buy their sick philosophy, as sure as Al-Qaeda is counseling destruction of America. The only differences are that American Christo-Cons carefully conceal their admonitions, so that they won’t be blamed for any carnage, and most don’t have the commitment to do suicidal missions. However both are just as dangerous to America.

Pro Life??

One of the most telling parts of the christian pro life philosophy is their push for restrictions on birth control. This exposes them for what they are attempting to do: punish women. They are really saying to women: “if you are going to have sex, then you must pay through the inconveniences and dangers of pregnancy”. Of course they don’t want the kid once it’s born; they just want to punish sexually active women.

The root of their despise of women is the same as the root for radical Islam’s severe restrictions on women: the idea that a woman was the weakness that brought about the fall of man as expressed in the temptation of Eve in the Hebrew scriptures. Both Christians and Muslims put great emphasis and belief in these ancient texts which they consider to be the “word of god”. In this context a woman bears the greatest blame for humans being denied paradise.

Exponential Growth

Driving through central California recently I was dismayed at the vast orchards left to die from lack of water and the sprawling subdivisions (complete with swimming pools)built on prime farm land. Have we gone entirely crazy??

Somehow Americans have lost touch with the struggle for survival. From our president to the common working family we have lost any sense our ancestors might have had that there are limits. We are not all powerful.

When I taught high school I would occasionally assign an activity demonstrating exponential growth. Small groups of students were given a lot of beans and two glass jars. One bean was added to the first jar and every 30 seconds the addition was doubled: One bean, then 2 then 4 then 8 etc. Soon the jar was full. One more doubling filled the second jar.

The questions I asked were as follows: 1) If the beans could think, would they have felt crowded when the first jar was half full? (Probably they would have felt like they had a lot of room left but they had only 30 seconds before doom struck.) 2) Is finding another planet a solution when we run out of space? (Just one more doubling would void that planet as well.)

Right now we are probably at the half way point for our container. There are still lots of wide open spaces. I hope we are smart enough to control ourselves before it is too late.

A great crusader for population control once said: “Population will be controlled! We have only two ways to promote it: birth control and abortion. Otherwise nature will do the job through famine, disease, war and natural disaster.”

The ProLife movement does not consider, or even understand, the consequences of its drive to limit birth control and abortion. They think god will step in and fix everything if we only subscribe to their doctrine.

Bin Laden: "Stay the Course you Stupid Americans"

The comment “the troop surge is working” will sound like “mission accomplished” in a year or two.

In November 2004 the Arabic-language network Al-Jazeera released a full transcript of a videotape from Osama bin Laden in which the head of al Qaeda said his group's goal is to force America into bankruptcy.

In March of 2008 Al-Jazeera broadcast an audiotape on which a voice identified as Osama bin Laden declares "Iraq is the perfect base to set up the jihad to liberate Palestine."

Presumptive GOP presidential nominee Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) responded to bin Laden’s comment by telling supporters at a town hall meeting that he, top US commander in Iraq Gen. David Petraeus, and terror mastermind Osama bin Laden all agree about the Iraq war. McCain added: “the central battleground in the battle against al-Qaeda is in Iraq today!”

How can the al-Qaeda leaders be so smart and our leaders be so stupid. Don’t these guys realize that the best way to achieve bin Laden’s goal of bankrupting the US is to keep us in Iraq.

Why do Christians reject Communism?

Why do wealthy, so called Christian societies react so strongly against Communism? I believe it is because the communist social ideology closely imitates early Christian social practice and to accept communism as valid would condemn present day Christian social practice. For example the early church advocated renunciation of private ownership in favor of the total sharing of an individual’s wealth with the group. This is recorded in Acts 4:32-35: (King James Version)

“32 - And the multitude of them that believed were of one heart and of one soul: neither said any of them that ought of the things which he possessed was his own; but they had all things common.
33 - And with great power gave the apostles witness of the resurrection of the Lord Jesus: and great grace was upon them all.
34 - Neither was there any among them that lacked: for as many as were possessors of lands or houses sold them, and brought the prices of the things that were sold,
35 - And laid them down at the apostles' feet: and distribution was made unto every man according as he had need.”


In fact they were so radically communistic in those days that death resulted for transgressors (I guess god killed them): Acts 5:1-11

1 - But a certain man named Ananias, with Sapphira his wife, sold a possession,
2 - And kept back part of the price, his wife also being privy to it, and brought a certain part, and laid it at the apostles' feet.
3 - But Peter said, Ananias, why hath Satan filled thine heart to lie to the Holy Ghost, and to keep back part of the price of the land?
4 - While it remained, was it not thine own? and after it was sold, was it not in thine own power? why hast thou conceived this thing in thine heart? thou hast not lied unto men, but unto God.
5 - And Ananias hearing these words fell down, and gave up the ghost: and great fear came on all them that heard these things.
6 - And the young men arose, wound him up, and carried him out, and buried him.
7 - And it was about the space of three hours after, when his wife, not knowing what was done, came in.
8 - And Peter answered unto her, Tell me whether ye sold the land for so much? And she said, Yea, for so much.
9 - Then Peter said unto her, How is it that ye have agreed together to tempt the Spirit of the Lord? Behold, the feet of them which have buried thy husband are at the door, and shall carry thee out.
10 - Then fell she down straightway at his feet, and yielded up the ghost: and the young men came in, and found her dead, and, carrying her forth, buried her by her husband.
11 - And great fear came upon all the church, and upon as many as heard these things.

The practice of Communism is so much closer to the spirit of the early church that it is no wonder that present day American Christian culture, based on greed and individual ownership, would reject it to the point of being willing to destroy it by war.

Thoughts About God Part 2

All my life I have wanted to discover something really significant. I have made some minor discoveries in laboratory work but nothing really big. I have discovered a lot about the bible but most is not unique to me.
What do I think about the bible? It has been copied and recopied, by hand, repeatedly through out the centuries. Each time minor and/or major changes were made which gradually developed the present day product. The concepts of god and Jesus were carefully crafted to fit the prevailing orthodoxy. I am certain that no one knows what really happened in any instance. The Christian religion which has been developed over the centuries has very little factual basis. Chances are, almost every aspect is a lie.
People who say they “love” god are infatuated with a fantasy they themselves have imagined. The bible can support almost any kind of god fantasy: a loving, ever caring comforter, a vindictive judge who watches human beings and who will torture the “bad” ones (or even the ones who just don’t believe god/Jesus etc. exists) forever after they die, a mighty, all powerful protector, and to some a mixture of all of these concepts. These same visions can be found in other books which claim to be “god’s word”.
I think we forfeit our ability to actually discover the true nature of our existence by relying on books such as the Bible, the Qur'ān, and the Book of Mormon etc. We often persist in looking backward, as though the “truth” was known to the ancients, and fail to discover who we are and whether we share consciousness with anything outside ourselves.
The alchemists believed that elements could be changed from one to another and long sought to convert lead into gold. And truly such a conversion is possible but the reality of the transmutation is far more complex than the alchemists every dreamed of. If we had continued to pursue the transmutation in the same fashion that the alchemists did we would still be unenlightened. I believe that the ancients who sought god were indeed onto something. But when we continue to follow their recipes we miss the real possibility of discovery.

Spanglish

Big controversey over the US National Anthem in Spanish. Another pointless, divisive issue. Personally I feel proud that Mexicans would want to sing the National Anthem in their language. The sham concern is just one more evasive maneuver (like pushing for a Constitutional amendments to ban gay marriage, promote prayer in the schools, prohibit flag burning) to hide the fact that our government has no idea how to solve the really critical problems our nation faces (like overwhelming deficits, Iraq, Afganistan, terrorism, education, universal medical care, gluttonous energy consumption, etc.).

One of our most despicable behaviors is, and has been, the intrusive meddling in other nation’s affairs in order to get what we want. Iran hates us? Big surprise! We helped to overthrow their elected government of Prime Minister Mohammad Mosaddeq in 1953 (the first successful overthrow of a foreign government by our CIA) and install a brutal dictator, Mohammad Reza Shah Pahlavi, who would give us unlimited oil, no questions asked. Central and South American governments opting for “left wing” candidates who oppose the US? We have done our best to subvert democratic reform throughout the hemisphere. Remember the 1973 coup our CIA engineered to depose and murder Salvador Allende, the first democratically elected, Marxist/Socialist government ever and install the brutal dictator Augusto Pinochet who destroyed Chile’s democracy and pursued a murderous policy of state terrorism.

I am old but I am really scared for our children in a world we have turned upside down, one which hates us and wants to destroy us, and we have incompetent, dithering leaders who can not conceive of the real issues and only care about keeping their power and wealth

"Illegal" Immigration

Americans easily forget history. It was not always the case that illegal aliens streamed North across the Mexican-American border. Throughout the 1820s Americans streamed South and West into Mexican territory. However Mexico would not allow slavery and the folks who were entering Mexican territory wanted to own slaves. The Mexican government became alarmed and outlawed the immigration.
Typical of American foreign policy, President Polk (a slave holder himself), conjured up an attack on American soil by the Mexican Army. He said “American blood had been shed on American soil”. Many in the North knew this was a lie (including the freshman congressman Abraham Lincoln) but Polk successfully convinced congress to let him wage war on Mexico. In 1846 the war was begun and by 1848 the territories from Texas to Southern Oregon were conquered and annexed into the United States of America. It was, in my view, indefensible imperialism at its worst. The ill will engendered by this act, among Americans themselves, was the catalyst for the Civil War.
The perpetuation of the myth of the Alamo is a dishonest exploitation of our history. The fact is that the defenders of the Alamo fought for white supremacy and slavery.
The vast territory (over 500,000 square miles) taken from Mexico included Texas, California, Nevada, Arizona, New Mexico, Wyoming, and Utah. Now many Americans, ignorant of their own sordid history, bristle with anger over what they perceive as illegal entry into “our” country by Mexicans. But to many of the Mexicans who are entering the U.S. it is their country which was taken from them! They are just coming home.

Mexico 1800

Classified Information

Classification of government information, for the most part, only serves to keep the American people from knowing what its government is doing. The rest of the world certainly knows what our government is doing.
I am always perplexed at American’s lack of knowledge about the world. For example our complete bewilderment at why so many other nations hate us. Why should Iran be so hostile? What have we ever done to them?? Much of Iranian hatred is based on our CIA deposing their democratically elected Prime Minister in 1953 and installing a brutal dictator (the Shah) who gave the US and Britain unlimited access to oil. Our meddling in Iran is highly “CLASSFIED”!
However, in the year 2000 the New York Times obtained a copy of the CIA’s secret history of the coup, revealing the inner workings of a plot that set the stage for the Islamic revolution in 1979, and for a generation of anti-American hatred in one of the Middle East's most powerful countries.* The document remains classified.
The history of our relationship with Saddam Hussein is like that too. The sordid tale of how we tried to use him to overthrow the Iranian government which followed the Shah is, for the most part, still under wraps. Almost half of Americans still believe that he had WMDs before our invasion but few of them realize that we provided the ones he did have to do our dirty work. Now we shame him for gassing the Kurds but at the time they were just “collateral damage” in his attempt to kill Iranian agents he thought were among the Kurds. This was OK with our government at the time.

* http://www.globalpolicy.org/empire/history/2000/0416ciairan.htm